So on a typical chili October night in Los Angeles I decided to go see a dear friend and fellow artist, Joy Jones, perform at her highly anticipated album release party for “Godchild”. I was 6 months pregnant at the time and was still a bit apprehensive about broadcasting my news. You see LA is a bird of a different color. People feel completely at ease saying, “Congrats, who’s the father?”. Or “You look great… invitro?”. And the best is, “How will you support yourself?”. So you can understand my desire to be a bit incognegro, albeit it was an ill-fated attempt. You see… in the underground music scene, you really can’t play the background. When you come out to support a fellow artist, it’s fellowship. Church. You have to get up and sing, participate, amen and sometimes even help sell cd’s.
So when Joy called me up after Rahsaan Patterson to take the mike, little did I know she would call me out. The upside was it might dispel rumors that I’d had breast augmentation. But quietly, I was enjoying my little secret while people fished for answers. But I rolled with it, publicly embraced my bump and free styled to 200 people I thought would forget about it the next day. All the while hoping I could still get hired to Dj for another month or so, in my conveniently forgiving dresses I copped from Saks . Within a day or so it ended up on youtube and I was shook! My marriage and other relationships, industry ups and downs flew like lyrical missiles in my shows and in the press, so why was I so guarded with my pregnancy? Once I watched the clip and saw myself as myself, I had an epiphany. It wasn’t other people, fear of losing work, nor my finances at all. I was afraid I’d lose my edge, my passion. I’d allowed just enough of other peoples projections to sit on the surface like water on an afro that beads up on the ends. Please don’t act like you don’t know! I digress… but what came through was a woman who was still fearless, vulnerable and so so so grateful. When you really let go and surrender to the moment, your true essence resonates which helped me get over it! From that point on, I fully embraced my pregnancy, perhaps too much according to my local Walgreens photo department.
Now that Cash is here, he’s made me edgier and more creative. Now that I’m a mom, Cassius’ mom, entertaining those insecurities in retrospect was sophomoric. So big props to Joy Jones who helped liberate me and the random video phone that captured such a great moment. I hope pregnant woman grab a tight hold of their beauty and power while they are pregnant. Everything GOD has for you will be right there after you and your baby are delivered… trust!
http://www.amazon.com/Godchild/dp/B002GETZ3Q
